Giraffes at Target, or, how I survived to wash another load of laundry.

My husband and I go to Target a lot. I have a love/hate relationship with the place, it's not just a black hole of my money, but it's one of the biggest timesucks ever for me. I go for toothpaste and end up spending $180.00 and 2 hours.

In our local Target, the baby stuff aisle is directly on the way to the laundry detergent. Imagine the terror I felt as I strolled through the store, innocently heading to get detergent, and then WHAM. This freaking thing just hanging on the wall. Staring at me with its blank, soulless eyes. It was obviously hungry, ravenous for the tasty taste of my young flesh. I was paralyzed, immobilized with fear and revulsion. I knew if I made one false move, I would be on the menu tonight.

What could I possibly do? It was laundry day, the clothes were piling up and we had nary a drop of laundry soap at home. Would dish soap work in the washing machine? A risky solution at best, and potentially costly in the event it didn't work out. I was in a quandary. Which was more important to me, self preservation or the clean clothing my entire family so desperately required?

I steeled my resolve. The need for fresh linens and clothing won out over my instinctive fear of becoming a snack pack for the brutal, slavering monster before me. I stared into its unfathomably malevolent eyes. It stared back, unblinking, unmoving. Was it hypnotizing me? I felt my legs go weak and knew I had to make my move. Now or never. Live or die.

I ran desperately for the household goods, ignoring the stares of shoppers around me. Why were they just standing there looking at me? Didn't they sense the danger of this fearsome predator lurking nearby? No matter, they're not my concern. It's every man for himself here in the wild aisles of Target. The law of the jungle. There is no think, only do.

And I did. My hand grasped the bottle of liquid detergent, and I clung to it like a kid at fat camp clings to an illicitly obtained cupcake. Victory was in my reach, I had attained my goal and was triumphant. I did decide to take the long way around to the registers. Better to lose some time and live to fight another day.
Giraffes 0, Jennifer 1

I may not be so lucky next time.